There is never a good time to break up with someone.
No matter who begins the breakup, it’s going to hurt.
There are bad times to break up, such as around Valentine’s Day, or the day before the prom, or during a time of year when you’ve made a lot of social commitments together.
However, if the relationship is clearly over, those might not be terrible times to break up. It can be just as bad to be miserable together on Valentine’s Day, or during a busy social season.
In fact, you may both feel relief to separate and start fresh, on your own.
First, be sure it’s the wrong relationship for you.
Here’s a video to help you decide:
Here what to do if you’re breaking up:
Rules if you’re breaking up with him
1. Don’t use breaking up as a threat. Either you want to break up or you don’t. Threats don’t work, long term.
2. Break up in private. Don’t tell others about the break up before you tell you partner.
3. Allow lots of time to talk it through with your partner.
4. Break up in a private, neutral location: Not your home, not his, and not in a restaurant.
5. Break up in person. Never break up — or even hint that you’re going to — over Facebook, email, text, or the phone. (Exception: If you’re worried about your safety, a distant break-up is okay. But, don’t pretend you’re afraid of him if you’re really afraid of facing the emotional pain — or lack of it — you’ll encounter.)
6. Make it a clean break. Just say that you want to break up, and calmly make a few, general points. There’s no reason to blame him, no matter what he’s done wrong. (If he’s at fault, losing you will be punishment enough.)
7. Don’t backpedal. It’s over. You both need time apart.
Then, whether he broke up with you or you broke up with him, give yourself time to get over the breakup. Rebound relationships are almost always a disaster. Worse, they spread the pain to new, innocent people. It’s better to be alone for awhile.
After the breakup, when you’ve had some time away from your ex, take an inventory of what happened. Are there things you can learn from the experience?
If you’re still hurt and confused, maybe you need some relationships advice. It could help to talk with a minister or religious counselor, a mental health professional, a relationships expert, or simply read about relationships.
It may sound trite and unsympathetic, but there’s always something you can learn from every relationship. Think of it like trying on clothes at the store: The first few dresses (or blouses, or skirts, or jackets) may not be right for you. In the process, you’ll learn what colors are best (and worst), which size you really are, and whether stripes are okay or a disaster on you.
If you can look at breakups in the same light — as a learning experience that will make it easier to spot Mr. Right — the pain can be less when you and your recent boyfriend make your separation permanent.